I Choose to Believe

"...for I am the LORD, who heals you." Exodus 15:26

Here I go, I promised God I would share this story... so I am! I know it's something that can only truly be known between God and I, it might seem slightly crazy, or you might just think I have a very low pain tolerance... whatever you believe, I don't care. I know what happened tonight, and that is enough for me, but I encourage you to believe it too :)

I was sitting at my computer just hanging out, and when I went to stand up this incredibly sharp, intense pain overcame me. It was indeed on the right side of my lower abdomen... and as I checked the symptoms for appendicitis I noticed that I had more than a few as well! First reaction, semi-freak out. I am an EXTREMELY queazy person and even thinking about the outcome of having to have my appendix removed made get light headed. So, I lay down on my bed... feeling more sick than I was before, and all I can do is think of Psalm 139. Praise God.

"O LORD, You have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. (...) 13 For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:1-3 & 13-16

Yes, this began to comfort me... The fact that God knows ALL of me. ALL of me. He knows absolutely every detail. He knows every single fear I have, he knows my every pain. He knows my silly habits (like the fact that I'm super queazy..) HE KNOWS. Why/How? Because HE created me. HE was the one who formed me, in His own hands. HE knows every moment. I had to stop for a second and acknowledge the fact that HE already has every day of my life written out in His book of life. God has His little (well, not so little) pocket calendar, and he has every day of my life already written in it. Stop for a second and think about that.

What a comfort. What a peace that should give us. To know that our Father/Creator of the Universe/Savior/Healer/ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ELSE you can imagine, HE has a plan pre-written for us. Does that bring you peace like it brings me peace? We need not worry about a single thing, the Creator, our Father has it all planned out. HE knows. My stomach could burst open at this very moment, it would be of no surprise to God. HE knows.

I pray right now that God would allow us to open our hearts, and give our fears over to Him. The Victory is His. Death is no longer a factor. Our Father, beckons us to run to his arms and accept the absolute Victory that has already been won through Jesus. To accept it means to give Him our hearts, to give Him our fears, and to believe in His power.. after all, He IS the One who holds this very world in His hands! :)

Even after God had spoken all that comfort over me, I still was overcome with a great amount of fear... let's just say I was shaking in fear (literally). So, He gave me this:

"Fear NOT, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. (...) Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid for I am with you." Isaiah 43:1& 4-5

:) This is Love. God's Love penetrates fear. His words began to penetrate my fear, and I finally stopped shaking as I continued to read on in Isaiah. To know that God has called me by name, and marked me as His own, that is enough. The incomprehensible Grace He has to call ME by name, and to say that He would give anything in exchange for my life, that is MY God. That is the one I call to. I am NOT afraid, because I know that MY Father would do anything for my life.

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

:) All of our worry is unnecessary, why worry about something that's already been won? Would we worry about the outcome of a football game if we already knew that our team won by 50 points? Definitely not! So why are we worrying about what will happen to us tomorrow, or in the next five minutes? Why was I shaking with fear? When we accept Jesus, we accept Victory over sin, and ultimately victory over death! How could I forget something as incredible as that? My fear is simply a symbol of my disbelief; I would not forget the POWER of MY God if I truly believed it to be the truth.

:) and all this to say.. after uncovering these truths from God's word, I believed that God could, and would heal me if it was in accordance to His will. I prayed with Mark 11:24 on my heart:

"Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

I prayed knowing that when I sat up from my bed, the pain would be gone. When I sat up, the pain was completely gone! Of course the doubtful side of me persuaded me to poke the place where the pain had been.. but by the Grace of God there was nothing there. Even as I write this, I'm constantly doubting the Power of MY God, I keep pausing to see if the pain will return, when in reality it is ABSOLUTELY gone!

"I DO believe, Help me overcome my unbelief." Mark 9:24

That's my prayer, that I would believe more and more. That I wouldn't let anything talk me out of the fact that God REALLY did do a miracle in my flesh tonight. God, I DO believe. I DO believe. :) thanks for reading all of this, I pray that we all would pray to God with belief in our hearts that HE is the God that heals, and saves, and moves mountains. Nothing is too big for Him. NOTHING. GOd, remind us that everything is Yours. Fill us with Your Spirit, and help us to live in the Power You so freely offer to us.