I’m writing all of this out more for my own reflection and remembrance than anything else, but I wanted to let you know what God has been doing in my life. I pray you are encouraged by His faithfulness, and compelled to live for His story which far outlasts our stories.
SO many things have happened over the past few months that can only be attributed to God.
In March, I was presented with the opportunity to help teach and build up worship leaders at a church plant in Australia for a year. I nearly said yes the second I heard this. What could be better than Australia AND leading people into worship and teaching them how to lead others? I prayed about this opportunity some, but was nearly certain that this had to be the door God was calling me to go through. Yet, I never had full assurance that this was in His plans for the fall.
How could it not be God’s plan? How often does someone call you up, ask you if you want to move to your “dream country” and do the thing you love the most? Rarely.
Quite frankly I didn’t know how I could say no to this. But I didn’t feel God confirming it.
The whole beginning of my summer was a whirlwind of confusion and doubt. I couldn’t understand why God would present a path so wonderful and seemingly perfect in accordance to my desires, yet not be calling me to that place.
I’ve been interning at an incredible, Gospel-centered church this summer, and the first day there they asked me about what I was thinking about doing in the fall. I told them I would love to get a job leading worship in a church somewhere because that is truly my greatest passion. I will never forget what one of the worship pastors said to me after that. He said,
‘You’re going to get lots of offers for “worship jobs” in all kinds of churches, but it’s important to be somewhere where you’re getting poured into spiritually above all else.’
Basically, don’t take just any offer that comes your way. Even if it is better than you ever dreamed, really seek His face. Really seek His voice. You want to be somewhere you will be spiritually challenged and poured into. Not every open door is meant to be walked through. When people are pushing you to go- listen for Him. He has a tendency to ask us to stay.
The seed was planted with his words, but I still didn’t want to give into what I knew He was calling me to do in the fall.
June 9th was the day God’s voice gave me the clarity I had been trying to fight. It was before a sermon at church that day, and the pastor asked us to pray before he spoke. I prayed for vision and clarity for the fall.
The sermon was about the glory of God above our personal comfort.
“Jesus is more committed to the glory of God than to His comfort or my comfort. The message of the Bible is not first my story, but HIS story.”
I CLEARLY felt God saying, “Teach, teach, teach.” I went home and cried. A lot.
In the midst of my confusion and knowing I had heard the voice of God, I had been reading a book about David and His response to tribulation and confusion in his life (which he had A LOT of). Though he was a flawed human, like we all are, he responded in a very radical, uncommon way to his circumstances. He didn’t fight for his desires or for control in his life, rather he knelt before God, opened his hands and said, ‘I’m all yours. You can give and You can take.’
He yielded full control to the Father, wisely knowing that God knows exactly what to do next for His upmost glory.
I want God to have the glory He deserves. I want to submit to Him. Though teaching is not my greatest desire, too bad. God knows where I need to be to bring Him the most glory. Forget my comfort, forget my personal desires- it’s HIS story. That’s the struggle. But it’s His, and I want it to be His.
Even still, I was prolonging action related to finding a job as a teacher. I thought, maybe if I stall then I won’t get a job and I can still go to Australia this year... He thought differently however. Haha.
I met with the amazing woman who had presented me with the opportunity to go serve in Australia, and was telling her about what God was saying to me about teaching. I wanted her to tell me, ‘Teaching would be nice, but Australia is an amazing opportunity to minister to so many people...etc’, but that is NOT what happened. She was very excited for me and told me she had a close friend who is a principal at a school in okc. She called her right then, got me an interview the next day, and I was hired to teach 3rd grade the very next day.
Wow. Not what I expected. Not even what I really thought I wanted, but absolutely, undeniably God.
I still wonder why God opens doors, like the one He opened to Australia. But even in the uncertainty, I know He is calling me to trust Him.
I know most people wouldn’t see teaching as suffering, but it appears that way to me when I see it in the light of what could have been. But God doesn’t call us to stay in the mindset of “could have beens” and “what ifs”. God is calling me to trust. To trust that He has a major plan. A plan that allows me to stay at a church that is leading me to the overwhelming joy and wonder of the Gospel. A plan that He knows will bring light to many in the darkness. A plan that yields myself and my desires to His greater glory.
There are so many other undeniable miracles and pieces to this story thus far, and I am believing by the power of His Holy Spirit that there are so many more to come. I know the road I am choosing will not be easy, but I am not about to limit the power my God has to move and change lives.
When my days come to an end I won’t be holding anything other than the hand of Jesus. Jesus is enough.
I’m coming to believe that as I begin this journey.
Come with me, choose Him.
Jesus is enough.
