Who's the Prodigal Now?

This has changed my life...

There are two kinds of people:

one who runs.

one who stays.

one far and one near.

one broken and one strong.
Yet, it's not what you may think.

We're in Luke 15:11-32:
There is the younger brother, the “Prodigal” as you’ve likely heard him called before.

He runs. He chases. He searches and spends all- all that never really was his.

There is another- typically the more highly admired of the two, the elder (just wanted to use that word as opposed to older.. it makes me laugh..) of the two. He stays. He works. He is the reliable, “good” son.

If you had asked me any day from the womb to twenty-two and a half years old which son I was more like, I would have answered: “The elder”.

I would have been humbly-proud (also realizing this is nottt a thing.) to tell you how I’ve grown closer to God, how I serve Him, how I blah blah blah...

SO thankful He showed me who I really am... (BROKEN...)

You see, the older son is just as lost, if not more so than the younger.

The story tells first of the younger son’s rebellion and wandering, yet upon his decision to return to His Father’s house, the older brother’s own rebellion becomes evident.

When the Father gathers all His best to throw the feast of the century for the younger son who’s returned home, the older son refuses to go into the party. He sits on the porch. (Man do I see myself, as I imagine the older brother pouting it up on the porch..)

If you look, it is here you can see the true Prodigal of the story come to life.

Not the younger son.

Yet, neither the older son.

The Father.

Prodigal means “recklessly spendthrift”.

Who is more reckless than the Father in our story?

For both versions of his son, He seeks.

For SOME REASON, He SEEKS them out.

He waits.

He re-invites.

He recklessly spends, in both scenarios, for the sake of His son entering into His love.

We have a Prodigal Father.

A Reckless God.

A God who holds onto us, whether we live as the younger or elder brother.

I’ve walked the same roads as the younger brother. Seeking kingdoms and pleasures- all but the Father.

Yet, He held onto me in those far away places and pulled me back home.

And MANY years I’ve lived on the porch of my Father’s house.

Living blind to the depths, the pits of my pride.

Constantly rejecting my Father’s offer of grace because I didn’t see myself as someone who really needed much grace.

In my ignorance, in my disheartening rejection- He held onto me.

He never stopped coming back out to ask me to come in.

He never stopped offering me grace, after grace, after grace..

I can’t believe that.

Praise God for revealing the corruptness of my heart to me.

For, I thought I was doing fine- just as the older brother did in Luke 15. Though I was close in proximity to God, I was MUCH farther from Him than I EVER imagined.

But whether I am an older or younger brother.

A runaway or grace-rejecting son.

I am convinced of a Father who is reckless in love, full of grace and kindness, and holds on to us.

We have a Father so reckless that He gave His own Son’s life to save us.

So He could be with His children and invite us into His freedom, He gave of Himself.

How could I run away?

How could I stay on the porch?

How could I not run home, accept His grace and truly worship Him?

For, He is worthy.

(Props to Timothy Keller’s book: “Prodigal God” for pretty much all of this breakthrough.. I HIGHLY recommend the book to EVERYONE.. and any parts of this blog that don’t make sense can be credited to me.. :)) )

Jesus is enough.

I’m writing all of this out more for my own reflection and remembrance than anything else, but I wanted to let you know what God has been doing in my life. I pray you are encouraged by His faithfulness, and compelled to live for His story which far outlasts our stories.

SO many things have happened over the past few months that can only be attributed to God.

In March, I was presented with the opportunity to help teach and build up worship leaders at a church plant in Australia for a year. I nearly said yes the second I heard this. What could be better than Australia AND leading people into worship and teaching them how to lead others? I prayed about this opportunity some, but was nearly certain that this had to be the door God was calling me to go through. Yet, I never had full assurance that this was in His plans for the fall.

How could it not be God’s plan? How often does someone call you up, ask you if you want to move to your “dream country” and do the thing you love the most? Rarely.

Quite frankly I didn’t know how I could say no to this. But I didn’t feel God confirming it.

The whole beginning of my summer was a whirlwind of confusion and doubt. I couldn’t understand why God would present a path so wonderful and seemingly perfect in accordance to my desires, yet not be calling me to that place.

I’ve been interning at an incredible, Gospel-centered church this summer, and the first day there they asked me about what I was thinking about doing in the fall. I told them I would love to get a job leading worship in a church somewhere because that is truly my greatest passion. I will never forget what one of the worship pastors said to me after that. He said,
‘You’re going to get lots of offers for “worship jobs” in all kinds of churches, but it’s important to be somewhere where you’re getting poured into spiritually above all else.’

Basically, don’t take just any offer that comes your way. Even if it is better than you ever dreamed, really seek His face. Really seek His voice. You want to be somewhere you will be spiritually challenged and poured into. Not every open door is meant to be walked through. When people are pushing you to go- listen for Him. He has a tendency to ask us to stay.

The seed was planted with his words, but I still didn’t want to give into what I knew He was calling me to do in the fall.

June 9th was the day God’s voice gave me the clarity I had been trying to fight. It was before a sermon at church that day, and the pastor asked us to pray before he spoke. I prayed for vision and clarity for the fall.
The sermon was about the glory of God above our personal comfort.

“Jesus is more committed to the glory of God than to His comfort or my comfort. The message of the Bible is not first my story, but HIS story.”

I CLEARLY felt God saying, “Teach, teach, teach.” I went home and cried. A lot.

In the midst of my confusion and knowing I had heard the voice of God, I had been reading a book about David and His response to tribulation and confusion in his life (which he had A LOT of). Though he was a flawed human, like we all are, he responded in a very radical, uncommon way to his circumstances. He didn’t fight for his desires or for control in his life, rather he knelt before God, opened his hands and said, ‘I’m all yours. You can give and You can take.’

He yielded full control to the Father, wisely knowing that God knows exactly what to do next for His upmost glory.

I want God to have the glory He deserves. I want to submit to Him. Though teaching is not my greatest desire, too bad. God knows where I need to be to bring Him the most glory. Forget my comfort, forget my personal desires- it’s HIS story. That’s the struggle. But it’s His, and I want it to be His.

Even still, I was prolonging action related to finding a job as a teacher. I thought, maybe if I stall then I won’t get a job and I can still go to Australia this year... He thought differently however. Haha.

I met with the amazing woman who had presented me with the opportunity to go serve in Australia, and was telling her about what God was saying to me about teaching. I wanted her to tell me, ‘Teaching would be nice, but Australia is an amazing opportunity to minister to so many people...etc’, but that is NOT what happened. She was very excited for me and told me she had a close friend who is a principal at a school in okc. She called her right then, got me an interview the next day, and I was hired to teach 3rd grade the very next day.

Wow. Not what I expected. Not even what I really thought I wanted, but absolutely, undeniably God.

I still wonder why God opens doors, like the one He opened to Australia. But even in the uncertainty, I know He is calling me to trust Him.

I know most people wouldn’t see teaching as suffering, but it appears that way to me when I see it in the light of what could have been. But God doesn’t call us to stay in the mindset of “could have beens” and “what ifs”. God is calling me to trust. To trust that He has a major plan. A plan that allows me to stay at a church that is leading me to the overwhelming joy and wonder of the Gospel. A plan that He knows will bring light to many in the darkness. A plan that yields myself and my desires to His greater glory.

There are so many other undeniable miracles and pieces to this story thus far, and I am believing by the power of His Holy Spirit that there are so many more to come. I know the road I am choosing will not be easy, but I am not about to limit the power my God has to move and change lives.

When my days come to an end I won’t be holding anything other than the hand of Jesus. Jesus is enough.
I’m coming to believe that as I begin this journey.
Come with me, choose Him.

Jesus is enough.

My Birthday: Here’s to the first of many more…

Somewhat of strange title, I know :) Yes, it is my birthday… no I’m not turning one year old… hehe, (also not turning 21…don’t get any ideas!) But this birthday IS a big first for me.

This is the first time I’ve ever been happy to see my birthday come. Sounds silly, sounds weird. But every birthday in the past has only served as a reminder of how much I didn’t do that year. How much I should have done better, how many people I could have gotten to know better, etc. A birthday only meant, “analyze how bad you failed this year...”

Many, MANY a birthday night did I lay in bed crying, truly broken that I wasted another year. Every year asking God to change me, to fix me, yet never grasping that the way I was viewing myself was completely wrong. I looked in the mirror and saw “Failure”, so intuitively I assumed God looked at me and also saw “Failure” or even more likely that he saw “Super-Mega-Gigantic-Failure”.

With that view of God’s love, it’s true I am a failure.

LUCKILY, I was dead-wrong. I’ve spent the vast, immense part of my life seeing God apart from his grace. Seeing verses like Ephesians 2:4-5:
“But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved…”

I read it more like “because of his great love for us, now that we’ve cleaned ourselves up and left behind all the ‘bad things’ we did, NOW he can have mercy on us, NOW he can give us his grace.”
WRONG.
No matter how many people I heard say grace covers everything you’ve ever done and are doing, I never heard it right. I had this image of God waiting until you turned completely away from your sin, then He would love you. But only then. Now I know that’s not who our God is.

I always skipped a part of this verse:
“(He) made us alive with Christ EVEN when we were dead in transgressions”.

He made us alive with Christ EVEN before we knew of Him.
EVEN when we were caught up in our sin and loving every bit of it.
EVEN when we were cursing His existence, or not even believing it at all.
EVEN when we were doing everything we could to hurt Him.
EVEN when we were nailing Him to a cross.

EVEN still, He made us alive, gave us a chance at new life by grace through Christ’s death on the cross!
Yeah! That’s what I’ve been missing, this grace that truly is grace.
The word grace doesn’t mean “something you’re given, once you earn it”, it means “something you get that you do not deserve in any way”. Never is grace earned.
Galatians 2:21:

“I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”

Basically saying, that fully accepting the grace that God offers us is the only way to be satisfied. If there was something we could do or not do to earn God’s love, then Christ would not have had to die on the cross. But Christ DID die on the cross, so why would we push away God’s incredible gift to us? Why would I want to spend another birthday crying myself to sleep, wishing I had done better the past year?
God knows I’m not perfect, and I DEFINITELY know that I’m not perfect, but the difference is that because of Christ’s death- God sees me as perfect.

The cross wasn’t just Jesus dying for our sins. It was an exchange, an exchange where Christ died and took all of our sins- every single bit of it, and in turn we received all of His righteousness- we were covered with His blood, in the most beautiful way, such that God sees the perfection of Jesus when He sees us. Incredible, right?

My prayer in writing this is that you would see this truth, the truth of God’s grace. And know that God’s grace is not something you have to work your way up to, it’s there waiting on you right now. Really, it is. It’s so easy it doesn’t seem real, but it is. I’ve experienced it. I know it’s more real than I’ll ever be able to understand. Just because you don’t understand something completely, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t believe it.
Romans 8:24:
“But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?”

I think someone that reads this- maybe it’s you- has felt the same way I do, like you’ve failed, like you can’t do anything right, like you’re all alone, like you’re the worst of the worst, like you’ve wasted every opportunity to finally get it right and turn your life back around onto the right course. Well, I’m here speaking as an ambassador for God, to say:

It’s not too late. Now is the time, right now is the moment, to give into His love that has been pulling at you. To accept His grace in its fullness, and live a life that reflects your love for all He’s freely given to you.
So, I’m begging you, pleading with you, open your heart. Stop living life thinking of yourself as a failure, because God sees you as His beloved treasure.

God delights in you.

YOU are not a failure, You are a treasure.



I’m praying for YOU… whoever you are, I know that I wrote this right now for a reason, for a specific person and I really am praying for YOU. Let God in.

I Choose to Believe

"...for I am the LORD, who heals you." Exodus 15:26

Here I go, I promised God I would share this story... so I am! I know it's something that can only truly be known between God and I, it might seem slightly crazy, or you might just think I have a very low pain tolerance... whatever you believe, I don't care. I know what happened tonight, and that is enough for me, but I encourage you to believe it too :)

I was sitting at my computer just hanging out, and when I went to stand up this incredibly sharp, intense pain overcame me. It was indeed on the right side of my lower abdomen... and as I checked the symptoms for appendicitis I noticed that I had more than a few as well! First reaction, semi-freak out. I am an EXTREMELY queazy person and even thinking about the outcome of having to have my appendix removed made get light headed. So, I lay down on my bed... feeling more sick than I was before, and all I can do is think of Psalm 139. Praise God.

"O LORD, You have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. (...) 13 For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:1-3 & 13-16

Yes, this began to comfort me... The fact that God knows ALL of me. ALL of me. He knows absolutely every detail. He knows every single fear I have, he knows my every pain. He knows my silly habits (like the fact that I'm super queazy..) HE KNOWS. Why/How? Because HE created me. HE was the one who formed me, in His own hands. HE knows every moment. I had to stop for a second and acknowledge the fact that HE already has every day of my life written out in His book of life. God has His little (well, not so little) pocket calendar, and he has every day of my life already written in it. Stop for a second and think about that.

What a comfort. What a peace that should give us. To know that our Father/Creator of the Universe/Savior/Healer/ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ELSE you can imagine, HE has a plan pre-written for us. Does that bring you peace like it brings me peace? We need not worry about a single thing, the Creator, our Father has it all planned out. HE knows. My stomach could burst open at this very moment, it would be of no surprise to God. HE knows.

I pray right now that God would allow us to open our hearts, and give our fears over to Him. The Victory is His. Death is no longer a factor. Our Father, beckons us to run to his arms and accept the absolute Victory that has already been won through Jesus. To accept it means to give Him our hearts, to give Him our fears, and to believe in His power.. after all, He IS the One who holds this very world in His hands! :)

Even after God had spoken all that comfort over me, I still was overcome with a great amount of fear... let's just say I was shaking in fear (literally). So, He gave me this:

"Fear NOT, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. (...) Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid for I am with you." Isaiah 43:1& 4-5

:) This is Love. God's Love penetrates fear. His words began to penetrate my fear, and I finally stopped shaking as I continued to read on in Isaiah. To know that God has called me by name, and marked me as His own, that is enough. The incomprehensible Grace He has to call ME by name, and to say that He would give anything in exchange for my life, that is MY God. That is the one I call to. I am NOT afraid, because I know that MY Father would do anything for my life.

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

:) All of our worry is unnecessary, why worry about something that's already been won? Would we worry about the outcome of a football game if we already knew that our team won by 50 points? Definitely not! So why are we worrying about what will happen to us tomorrow, or in the next five minutes? Why was I shaking with fear? When we accept Jesus, we accept Victory over sin, and ultimately victory over death! How could I forget something as incredible as that? My fear is simply a symbol of my disbelief; I would not forget the POWER of MY God if I truly believed it to be the truth.

:) and all this to say.. after uncovering these truths from God's word, I believed that God could, and would heal me if it was in accordance to His will. I prayed with Mark 11:24 on my heart:

"Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

I prayed knowing that when I sat up from my bed, the pain would be gone. When I sat up, the pain was completely gone! Of course the doubtful side of me persuaded me to poke the place where the pain had been.. but by the Grace of God there was nothing there. Even as I write this, I'm constantly doubting the Power of MY God, I keep pausing to see if the pain will return, when in reality it is ABSOLUTELY gone!

"I DO believe, Help me overcome my unbelief." Mark 9:24

That's my prayer, that I would believe more and more. That I wouldn't let anything talk me out of the fact that God REALLY did do a miracle in my flesh tonight. God, I DO believe. I DO believe. :) thanks for reading all of this, I pray that we all would pray to God with belief in our hearts that HE is the God that heals, and saves, and moves mountains. Nothing is too big for Him. NOTHING. GOd, remind us that everything is Yours. Fill us with Your Spirit, and help us to live in the Power You so freely offer to us.

Loving Jesus..

:) I'm sitting here on this LOVELY saturday morning with my window open, and the fresh air is blowing in on me! Just reading through a little bit of 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan, and I found a good focal point for today. He's talking about Matthew 25:42-43

"For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me."
(vs 45.) "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do to me."

This passage is one that I'm familiar with, but I'm used to hearing the positive side of this passage in Matthew 25.. the one right before these verses that is talking about the 'least of these' that we DID help. So when I read verses 42-43 & 45 out of the book, I was thrown off and I looked in my Bible to prove their existence. No doubt, these verse are in there! So why have I never thought about them, most of the time I'm only thinking about the few things that I did do for the least of these, rather than the hundreds/thousands of things I don't do for them on a daily basis. These verses hit me right where I needed it today..

So, Francis goes on and asks this question, "How would my life change if I actually thought of each person I came into contact with as Christ?" I'm not sure the exact intent he meant with this statement, but to me it is asking: what if I saw the face of Christ in every person I came in contact with? Would I treat people/serve people differently if I was really seeing it as myself serving Christ? I think I would. I know I would! From the way I live- quick to anger, easily annoyed, impatient, etc- it is obvious that I'm not serving others with the mindset that I'm actually serving God.

1 John 2:6 says, "Whoever claims to live in him(God) must walk as Jesus did." Jesus went as far as to die for us, just to save/serve us and give us the opportunity to have a relationship with God.

God, I pray that today I would TRULY live to serve You, in the face of those around me. While it is a sacrifice at times, You are beyond worth it. Help me to aim to live like Jesus did, and to make today count for something that's Eternal. Amen! :))

Do you believe me now?? (explanation in post..)

Romans 8:28: "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." 

I've always loved this verse... But last night when I was thinking about being in Branson all summer, with 60 other students that i don't know, working in a fast food restaraunt, I began to question the truth of this verse. I mean yeah, I believe that God's Word is absolutely the truth, but it was more of me asking God- why do you want me to go there? Why can't I just stay here and maybe go a different summer? And I felt God saying ask me again tomorrow night. And tonight after meeting people and getting to know my roommates, I am truly overwhelmed with what He's doing and is going to do this summer! I couldn't have picked more amazing roommates, and when we introduced ourselves earlier and said what we were most looking forward to during the summer, it was so encouraging to know that everyone is really here for the right reasons. So as I'm about to lay my head down I feel like God is saying: Romans 8:28- do you believe me now? He called me to Branson for the summer, and He is ALWAYS working things out for my good :) God always gets it right, always. It's a shame that I keep letting myself forget that. :) thanks for praying and supporting me in many ways! Love you all! -Kristi 

Hey Everyone..

Hey, so I'm pretty new at this whole "blogging" thing, but I'll do my best to update it with what's going on in my life and what I'm learning from God. I can't wait to see how God uses this summer in my life, to grow me and strengthen my faith! :) Thanks so much for coming on this journey with me! I love you all! -Kristi